Is My Sarong So Wrong (or Can my Sarong be Sawrong when it feels Saright)

Well now, well now, well now it has been awhile hasn’t it. I may have just too many thingsThe Palce at Night going on. And ya know it finally got hot, hot, hot, here in Ol’ Palace City (which I of course love), so I have been out trying to enjoy these last couple days before the temperature Early September in South Dakotaplummets back to like -30 degrees in another week or so.

Okay well that’s an exaggeration, that couldn’t possibly happen for at least a month.

But I mean that’s what it’s like living in this part of the country. Just Another Spring Day

Mostly it’s the Arctic Circle. But, for at least a month or two out of the year it’s more akin to the Tropics as the both the temperature Eastern South dakota in Juneand humidity climb into the nineties or even higher.

Which of course leads me to the topic of this post.

Let me just start by telling ya that I am a man, I like women, I have no real gender identity issues. But I’m also, as far as a lot of “real” men are concerned a little “fruity”. Ol Singing Cowboy

What they mean is I do stuff that most self respecting man would not do: write poetry, sing out loud, wear odd clothing, listen to music that’s not classic rock…

Or that’s how they see it. The way I see it…as a Man I do what I want baby. A man (in my man handbook anyway) doesn’t worry about what others think of him. He does things his way.ol blue eyes

Okay so ya see, though I love it when it’s hot, high humidity is another story….oh and it’s also important to know for this post that I don’t believe in air conditioning.

Wait, that sounded weird…I mean, I do believe that air conditioning exists, I just have never owned one, don’t believe in using them (I don’t like artificial heating [furnaces]either but that’s another post).

This I would not have believed!?!

This I would not have believed!?!

So where are we, I love the heat, not humidity though & don’t use an air conditioner. Oh and have I ever mentioned I’m not that into clothing. That fact also comes into play in this post. Ever since I was a kid I have had trouble keeping my clothes on. No not like that jeez, more of a freedom from restrictions thing, I just enjoy the feeling of being completely free. I know I know, if ya don’t get it ya won’t get it. But there are some reading this right now who are saying “Yea, that’s what I feel like” .

So anyway that got off on a seemingly weird tangent, but it will all tie together in the end. Because this post is about freedom, about freeing the Male from the over heating crotch bondage of pantial leg coverings and yes that goes for even my favorite Abercrombie & Fitch cargo shorts.

So lets go back a few years to when Lil’ Mouse & I still lived in Su Fa in the little house on Indiana, and ya know God bless ‘er for puttin up with it but that tiny house was a sweat box. One hot August day, having spent the day writing etc naked save a pair of swim trunks, drenched in sweat I started complaining when Lil’ Mouse came home.

“I even tried the swim trunks but…” Referencing my last bit of clothing and the clammy cloistered feeling my poor underparts were receiving and how I hated the feeling of sweat dripping down my inner thigh.

“You could try one of my skirts.” She said it as a joke. I know she did and I could see in her eyes the fear as her idea was met by my excitement instead of laughter.

air-conditionedShe took control and found one I could try on. It was of course (based on the theme of this post) Freakin Awesome! It was like suddenly having an air vent in my pants (and I won’t even go into the ease of use when it comes to potty time…)

Lil Mouse said i could have this little blue and white striped cotton skirt on the condition I was not wear it out of the house. I told her not to be worried because it was obviously a woman’s skirt ( I of course did not exactly keep that promise 100%) but that as soon as we could find a macho alternative…

So for the next couple years I would put the idea out of my head until it started getting hot. The old blue and white skirt would come out of the drawer, but it was never quite right, and

Employed Hipster

Employed Hipster

I investigated kilts but they seemed a: to heavy and hot and b: to hipster-ish, so kilts were right out.

Unemployed Hipster

Unemployed Hipster

And then last summer (a really hot summer here in So Dak) I was down by the river and I saw a large family from maybe Indonesia or ? (I don;’t know I didn’t ask). The point is the men were all wearing long wraps…Sarongs(?), (again I don’t know I didn’t ask) but there they were. I mean real men, in public wearing skirts and getting away with it. When I got home I immediately told Lil’ Mouse I wanted her to sew me a Polynesian wrap of some kind.

Representative Gentlemen.

Representative Gentlemen.

We spent the next year searching for fabrics, first in Su Fa and then in Place City all to no avail. Nothing I could find with what I thought was the right fabric with the right pattern.

And so now here we are in the near present, this last May, when it first hinted that it might start getting hot, I went online and turtleislandlogoeventually ended up here

Now I am not really much of an online shopper. Oh yea Craigslist and E-bay sure but rarely do I purchase anything from an actual store online so I was a little nervous when I filled my “cart” with two items and pushed advance to check out.

Their response time was excellent. I got my Sarongs in a couple days. Amazingly they arrived on the only 97 degree day in early summer. I immediately put them on and they were just what I hoped for. It was as close to feeling like wearing nothing at all as I believe you can get and still wear something. It’s like wearing a breath, that covers your coverables.

Not me of Course.

Not me of Course.

Lil’ Mouse of course like this look much better than the ol’ skirt and just shrugs and says “whatever you want to do Honey?” when I talk wistfully about wearing it out in to public. She wouldn’t stop me (probably), though may try to talk me out of it and who could blame her when, especially here in Palace City, if I wore the Sarong downtown shopping it would certainly ’cause a stir.

Okay now we're gettin closer...

Okay now we’re gettin closer…

And that brings up an iteresting point doesn’t it. In this age of liberation and breaking down old stereotypes where is “Men’s” liberation, cause you and I both know many of the people throwing condemning looks our way if I wore this in public would be women. They just don’t want to see men wearing skirts. To the majority of so called “feminist” women the idea of a man wearing a skirt is laughable at best…this of course only serves to make me want to wear the sarong in public more (that’s just my oppositional/defiant disorder coming into play). But of course I won’t wear it downtown because Lil’ Mouse holds a respectable job in this town and well it probably wouldn’t be helpful to her career to make her a laughing stock, the wife of the weirdo who wears the skirts.

Mostly this summer though, it has been rainy and cold (though I still found the Sarong to be the perfect “kick around the house” wear) And so the question had been moot. But thank the Lord & Praise Jesus it finally kicked it up at the tail end of August with temps & humidity regularly above ninety. Perfect Sarong weather.

As I mentioned in the beginning of the post I have been doing a lot of outside activities in the past couple months. Mostly they revolved around trips to the Badlands & the Hills camping. The Sarong is great after day hiking back in the camp site evening wear. And out there who cares who sees me in my Sarongs.

Light, portable, easily hand washed and air dried. The sarong is a great addition to my minimalist camping gear.

Light, portable, easily hand washed and air dried. The sarong is a great addition to my minimalist camping gear.

Back home of course I try to be as discreet as possible. But I do go out on the hot evening to smoke on the porch. Lil’ Mouse just smiles.

Wow and this has been a long post for the RWR blog. Usually only one of my blogs regularly runs this long. Of course I’m not quite done yet, because like any good showman I have saved what really you came here to see for the very last…and so without dragging it out any further here ya go, the Ol’ Unit, in HQ central, with his two favorite addictions and his brand new writing wear…

Lil’ Mouse took a dozen or so pic’s

These are the two she chose for me to post.

 

The Great Belt Scandal

When   we’re writing a blog one of the hardest parts is to come up with a good title, something catchy and funny(maybe) but short and to the point of the post that follows.

For this one Lil Mouse and I kicked around a lot of ideas, “A Belt , A Belt! My Kingdom for A Belt!”, “Hit Me with Yer Best Belt”, “For Whom the Belt Tolls”, “These Belts Were Made fer Wanting”, “Belts fer the Beltless” even “Belt & Beltability” got a run up in our RWR brainstorming session.

While we were unanimous that The Great Belt Scandal wasn’t the best we figured well, it kept to the spirit of the post better than say “The Beltman Cometh” not some now cliched title like “Beltocolypse”, and funnier than “Hey Abercrombie & Fitch Sell Me Some Belts”

Okay so here’s the set up

 Customer By Web Form (tom foster)
Good Morning
First I wanna say I love AF cargo shorts. There are none better. I been wearing cargo shorts since my early So Cal days. I first discovered AF Cargoes about five six years ago as a warehouse manager at a thrift store. They immediately became the only shorts I wear. As long as the temp is above 40 I have one of my eight pair of AF Cargoes on (I used to have twelve but passed on some duplicates to my son).
I am a painter by trade and an outdoor guy by nature and these shorts are not only the most comfortable to wear but like everything else by AF that I have since bought, hold up to seriously rugged use (in fact often get better with said use). My original pair is stitched together like some artistic Frankenstein shorts but I love them the best.
Now to my issue. I have eight pair of shorts, but I am down to 1 1/2 (ish) belts. I had four belts, One got lost somehow, one wore out, the one I use now for work is wearing out. I have one left fer fancy short wearing time…but i would love to have some spares (the one I have now is from a green pair and I would love too have some other color options so…
Help…!
Signed
Near Belt Less in Palace City

Belts! [Incident: 130730-001948]

FROM Abercrombie & Fitch TO You
 Subject
Belts!
 Discussion Thread
 Response Via Email (Celia) 07/30/2013 12:36 PM

Hey tom,

Thank you for contacting us at Abercrombie and Fitch!

We are so happy to hear that you are a fan of our A&F cargo shorts. We love them just as much as you. If you would like to check out our A&F belts shop here. We also recommend our Hollister CO belts! We hope you can find some great belts to go with your 8 pair of cargos!
Belts are 50% off with a purchase of jeans!
Celia
Customer Service
Abercrombie & Fitch
Don’t Forget to check us out on Facebook!

Okay, I obviously wasn’t clear enough. So I called and talked to a person this time,and went through the whole story again and the quickly losing patience customer service lady explained that the belts I was looking for only came with the shorts. I said that I had visited their site, I had also visited (groan)Hollister and had an e conversation with one of thier e-rep’s and so was aware that these belts were not for sale in the traditional manner.

Yet still, I assured her, I would like to find a way to buy some of these belts separately.
“There is No Way sir, They come with the shorts.”
Suddenly I felt like Jack Nicholson in “Five Easy Belts”
I said “But the belts aren’t actually attached to the shorts.” “Sir…” “They are a separate unit.” Sir…”  “And…” “Sir I am aware of this Sir. The Belts are not sold separately.”
I assured her I would keep tryin. I’m sure she was assured I was some kind’a nut, but that’s about it.
So back to the e-mail I go. And here’s my next contact attempt…

Re: Belts! [Incident: 130730-001948]

FROM Thomas Foster TO 1 recipient

Celia,
Thanks so much for your prompt response. I have already looked at both sites and do not see the belt I am looking for. It normally comes with the shorts. But I was looking for a way to buy this particular belt(s) as a separate unit. I can find belts like these on line but I wanted AF belts to go with my AF shorts, not some cheap knock off. I already called, prior to this e mail but am still hoping I can somehow talk AF into selling me some of these belts. Please consider my offer and with some creative thinking maybe come up with a way to assist me in this quest.
Thanks again for your time and consideration in this matter,
Tom
ps I am sending some photos of my favorite shorts to help talk AF into it 🙂

DSCN0828 DSCN0829 DSCN0830 DSCN0831
Ok, so and here’s where I need your help oh gentle and wise reader. I can’t get this lovely e-mail through to ol Ciela, and I’m sure one of you out there must know her, or know someone who knows Ceila, the Belt Hoarder over at A&F…
Cause look, I may not be the smartest tack holding up Stephen Hawking’s Element Chart but, I do know that somewhere there’s a factory filled with Asian kids putting these belts I want through the loops on the cargo shorts I love so much so…
Have one of those kids, I’m not partial to which one, take a handful of belts and mail it to me here at RWR Studios care of Lil’ Mouse…wait…wait…
“The Tale of two Belts” huh? huh?