Holidays | Random Writes & Rongs

Well here we are heading into the Christmas season. All the traditions , all our great American Chr..Holiday traditions are pulled out of our collective cultural closet dusted off and displayed in the .twinkly lights of holiday magic.

M& M commercials, Budweiser commercials, Hallmark commercials…

Okay well I’m being silly of course there’s more than just commercials. There’s the two dozen or so scheduled TV Christmas specials, but really who knows what they are anymore.It’s the classics that count

When I was a boy you waited all year to watch “Rudolph”. “Charlie Brown” “Grinch” etc. Now those Christmas Classics are available year round. Which of course is usually a good thing and really doesn’t take away from the joy and specialness that almost all of these classics bring to the season…

Almost all of them.

See of course I own the whole set of ’em, “Rudolph”, “Frosty” “Charlie” “Grinch” (the real one), “Christmas Story” I even own the knock offs like the dreadful “Little Drummer Boy” & “The Christmas Cricket” and new eventual classics like “Elf”

But of course even the knock offs even the lamest or worst of the above I would gladly spend the season watching if I didn’t have to ever again view the subject of this post, that (considered)companion classic to “Rudolph” & “Frosty”…

“Santa Claus is Coming To Town” this Rankin Bass stop motion children’s* TV special came out in 1970 and featured a lot of big stars voicing the main characters which begs the question…did they read the script before they signed the contract.

There is so much wrong with this movie, so much that makes it not appropriate for children that I could fill three posts,but we’ll get to the creepiest factor at the bottom of the post.

Let’s first focus on the movie itself. It’s set up is painfully laughable, an obvious and pathetic attempt to follow the “Rudolph” format, but instead of a cool (yes pun) snowman we get a weird mailman named “S.D. Kluger” why he even needed a name I can’t figure out but if you were gonna name him…

Of course like their red nosed guide book, SCCT has a snow based monster, but unlike “Rudolph” the bad guy turns out to be really okay and it’s the authorities who are the real bad guys…this was the 1970’s what else would you expect.

Which brings me to my worst moment for your kid to watch.

In one scene as our hero, Kris Kringle first enters the gray and dingy Sombertown he encounters kids who are complaining about their mistreatment at the hands of their evil parents. The evil that is being done against them? Chores.These poor kids are being forced to do chores. In this specific case washing their socks out.

I could go on and on about this film it’s inappropriateness, inconsistencies and inadequacy but this post was about it’s creepy qualities.

There are many in this little special, but there is one that stands out as so creepy, the others fade as mist at the coming of the Sun.

Now I really wish I could add video here, (I can only afford to do that on a couple of my blogs), because you really need to hear this song to appreciate it. so I suggest after finishing here you click on the link. I couldn’t find the full video but I found a funny little snippet I’ll link,and then also the full song but with no video for those hardcore fans.

So ol’ Kris has come to Sombertown to give kids toys, that seems pretty harmless right, until you hear him sing his sales pitch…

Oh, what a good girl
Oh, what a good boy
Oh what a big smile
All because of a toy!

If you sit on my lap today
A kiss a toy is the price you’ll pay
When you tell what you wish for —
In a whisper
Be prepared to pay.

If you sit on my lap today
A kiss a toy is the price you’ll pay
When you sit on my left knee
Don’t be stingy
Be prepared to pay.

If whenever you take
You give a little back
Then whoever you love
Will give a little love back
So give a little love
Get a little love back
Don’t you have a little love
That you want to get back

If you sit on his lap today
A kiss a toy is the price you’ll pay
When you sit on his left knee
Don’t be stingy
Be prepared to pay.

Now if you sit on my lap today
A kiss a toy is the price you’ll pay!

Okay well enough said there.

When this movie isn’t being creepy it’s either boring or age inappropriate and yet I can’t wait to watch it every year.

It’s gotta be the Burgermiester.

My Hero

Once in every long while in a peoples lives, in a cultures existence there comes those times of transition from the old archaic ways, to the new, to the heralded, the clarion call of change.

I’m sure it is the way the druids felt when they saw their faithful flock abandoning the winter solstice festival in favor of the new fangled Christ’s Mass.

And so it’s gone with Thanksgiving.

Which maybe should be renamed Thanks n’ Getting (I like it, If no one else has said I think I’ll coin that :)).

Anyway, I don’t think there is much of the old Thanksgiving left anymore. Oh to be sure there are homes where it is still celebrated, pockets of resistance but culturally the concept that this is our American Holiday of Thankfulness & Quiet Reverence has been successfully obfuscated by the American left, the Humanists, whoever…doesn’t matter.

So Thanks N’ Getting week-end begins.

\We spend the morning hustling about cooking and scrambling to make sure everything looks like it did for traditional thanksgiving (part of Thanks N’ Getting is self denial that anything has changed).

We now pause briefly with our family to give thanks for all the stuff we have, then gobble as much food as we possibly can stuff into our gullets. Then help ourselves to just a little belt unloosening more.

As fast as our now sluggish bodies can we can clear out all the food and clean the dishes (maybe) so we can use the living room as an F.O.B. Someone starts Xmas music which puts everybody in a happy buying mood as the ads are laid out on the table with glee.

The excitement builds and we get our second wind. Gathering the whole family we begin to plan an all out assault on the local retail outlets.

What specials are where? Which store open’s first? Assignments are handed out and the family forces divide up to maximize buying power and assure a successful Black Friday Bonanza-Rama!

Which, by the way what I think the day two of this four day Thanks n’ Getting Holiday week-end should be officially called from now on.

So now we have two new holidays coming, evolving out of the boring old stuffy overly, overtly religious holiday of our squaresville ancestors. But why stop there I ask you?

Next we can do Share-It Day ( the Saturday following Thanks N’ Getting) when we all post the best deals, specials or buys from BFB. It doesn’t matter if it’s Facebook or Pintrest or whatever’s popular at the moment as long as share we do. If your immediate family has out purchased your extended family or friends in one of the following areas. electronics, toys, housewares, or As Seen on TV items you win bragging rights or “In Your Face-isms” for a full year.

So far this is getting to be a slam bang week-end that can’t be beat but I got a topper for them all.

I know, I know how can that be possible? How can I top myself after already creating three new kick-butt holidays?

See after buying all that new stuff we always look around and see all the old stuff we don’t need. This happens as the culmination of old Saturday. Usually this was a time of guilt, even remorse.

Rich families in false humbletuidity of their blessing would vow to donate old items to a charity. Lesser families to assuage the guilt of the spending orgy do much the same.

Taste Like Guilt

But this is the new holiday. There’s no need for such guilt.

I have a solution to such wasted emotion, after all what do we have to feel guilty for? This is the season of getting.

That guilty feeling you may temporarily be experiencing is associated with the old archaic beliefs and systems. In fact so is sympathy for those less fortunate.

If you don’t have the finances, credit rating, or other means to eat well and shop merrily on Thanks N’ Getting or BFB, why should any one feel sorry for you at the end of SiD? Why should we feel guilty any longer?

So I bought a new 72″ flat screen to change out the old 52″ in the den. I needed to do that because it’s gonna replace the old 48″ we have in the toddler’s bedroom that’s just too darn small for him now that he’s growing up.

Should we donate that outdated and tiny TV? Should I donate or throw away any of that extra stuff? Why? When there’s another perfectly good way to utilize this detritus to keep the holiday week-end going.

I suggest…

Sacrilegious Sunday.

Here’s what ya do. Load up the husband, the kids, the three Ethiopian adoptees, the aunts, cousins, grandma, the more the merrier. Shove ’em all in the your new Jeep Wrangler. Don’t forget to tie off all yer old gizmos and gadgets, whatnot’s and assorted what have yous on top luggage rack.

Now head down to your nearest local church. If it’s Christian it doesn’t matter what denomination. Just make sure it’s either that, a Catholic Church, a Cathedral’s even better…or if there nothing nearby go with a Jewish temple as a last resort.

It’s the most fun if you use social media to host a big event but either way, park right up front and wait for the saps to come out.

Get the family ready, line the kids up at the curb. Mom can climb on top of the van and be in charge of handing out the trash…

Wait till they’re exiting and looking all happy and content and peaceful. Then just start throwing all the now useless stuff at the ground at their feet.

Do not throw it at them, This is not about hurting anyone.

It is to show them and their stupid old fashioned ways that the stuff isn’t important to us either. It’s not about the stuff.

It’s about the getting of the stuff.

Well there ya have it the new Holiday weekend; four holidays in one: Thanks N’ Getting, Black Friday Bonanza-Rama, Share-it Day, & Sacrilegious Sunday. (trademarks pending).

Just more groovalicious ideas brought to you by the brilliant minds at RWR.