From Chupa Mi Heuvos to Мені подобаються твої груди N Everything in Between

Two quick thoughts.

When two men from different countries, different cultures meet for the first time what do they discuss, politics, religious or social differences?

Okay everyone who already knows how to say "Hey Baby nice gams!"" in Mandarin raise their hand.

Okay everyone who already knows how to say “Hey Baby nice gams!”” in Mandarin raise their hand.

No they discuss two things only. How to pick up women and how to insult another guy.

Of all the things we could find out, we rush to this.

It might seem like a real shame, but in retrospect, we, on some deeper genetic level have the need to take care of our needs first, how to find a female friend and how to fend off rivals.

How ’bout you gals? I’m wondering what the heck do you discuss, yea men of course but…

Is it men and shoes, men and dish patterns, men and money?

The second thought is that probably 3000, no wait, the internet is huge, 30,000 other “impressed with their self” a-holes have had this original thought before me and thrown it on the net.

Oh it is to laugh.

And I guess that’s the real magic of the net we can all be uniquely original together.

Is My Sarong So Wrong (or Can my Sarong be Sawrong when it feels Saright)

Well now, well now, well now it has been awhile hasn’t it. I may have just too many thingsThe Palce at Night going on. And ya know it finally got hot, hot, hot, here in Ol’ Palace City (which I of course love), so I have been out trying to enjoy these last couple days before the temperature Early September in South Dakotaplummets back to like -30 degrees in another week or so.

Okay well that’s an exaggeration, that couldn’t possibly happen for at least a month.

But I mean that’s what it’s like living in this part of the country. Just Another Spring Day

Mostly it’s the Arctic Circle. But, for at least a month or two out of the year it’s more akin to the Tropics as the both the temperature Eastern South dakota in Juneand humidity climb into the nineties or even higher.

Which of course leads me to the topic of this post.

Let me just start by telling ya that I am a man, I like women, I have no real gender identity issues. But I’m also, as far as a lot of “real” men are concerned a little “fruity”. Ol Singing Cowboy

What they mean is I do stuff that most self respecting man would not do: write poetry, sing out loud, wear odd clothing, listen to music that’s not classic rock…

Or that’s how they see it. The way I see it…as a Man I do what I want baby. A man (in my man handbook anyway) doesn’t worry about what others think of him. He does things his way.ol blue eyes

Okay so ya see, though I love it when it’s hot, high humidity is another story….oh and it’s also important to know for this post that I don’t believe in air conditioning.

Wait, that sounded weird…I mean, I do believe that air conditioning exists, I just have never owned one, don’t believe in using them (I don’t like artificial heating [furnaces]either but that’s another post).

This I would not have believed!?!

This I would not have believed!?!

So where are we, I love the heat, not humidity though & don’t use an air conditioner. Oh and have I ever mentioned I’m not that into clothing. That fact also comes into play in this post. Ever since I was a kid I have had trouble keeping my clothes on. No not like that jeez, more of a freedom from restrictions thing, I just enjoy the feeling of being completely free. I know I know, if ya don’t get it ya won’t get it. But there are some reading this right now who are saying “Yea, that’s what I feel like” .

So anyway that got off on a seemingly weird tangent, but it will all tie together in the end. Because this post is about freedom, about freeing the Male from the over heating crotch bondage of pantial leg coverings and yes that goes for even my favorite Abercrombie & Fitch cargo shorts.

So lets go back a few years to when Lil’ Mouse & I still lived in Su Fa in the little house on Indiana, and ya know God bless ‘er for puttin up with it but that tiny house was a sweat box. One hot August day, having spent the day writing etc naked save a pair of swim trunks, drenched in sweat I started complaining when Lil’ Mouse came home.

“I even tried the swim trunks but…” Referencing my last bit of clothing and the clammy cloistered feeling my poor underparts were receiving and how I hated the feeling of sweat dripping down my inner thigh.

“You could try one of my skirts.” She said it as a joke. I know she did and I could see in her eyes the fear as her idea was met by my excitement instead of laughter.

air-conditionedShe took control and found one I could try on. It was of course (based on the theme of this post) Freakin Awesome! It was like suddenly having an air vent in my pants (and I won’t even go into the ease of use when it comes to potty time…)

Lil Mouse said i could have this little blue and white striped cotton skirt on the condition I was not wear it out of the house. I told her not to be worried because it was obviously a woman’s skirt ( I of course did not exactly keep that promise 100%) but that as soon as we could find a macho alternative…

So for the next couple years I would put the idea out of my head until it started getting hot. The old blue and white skirt would come out of the drawer, but it was never quite right, and

Employed Hipster

Employed Hipster

I investigated kilts but they seemed a: to heavy and hot and b: to hipster-ish, so kilts were right out.

Unemployed Hipster

Unemployed Hipster

And then last summer (a really hot summer here in So Dak) I was down by the river and I saw a large family from maybe Indonesia or ? (I don;’t know I didn’t ask). The point is the men were all wearing long wraps…Sarongs(?), (again I don’t know I didn’t ask) but there they were. I mean real men, in public wearing skirts and getting away with it. When I got home I immediately told Lil’ Mouse I wanted her to sew me a Polynesian wrap of some kind.

Representative Gentlemen.

Representative Gentlemen.

We spent the next year searching for fabrics, first in Su Fa and then in Place City all to no avail. Nothing I could find with what I thought was the right fabric with the right pattern.

And so now here we are in the near present, this last May, when it first hinted that it might start getting hot, I went online and turtleislandlogoeventually ended up here

Now I am not really much of an online shopper. Oh yea Craigslist and E-bay sure but rarely do I purchase anything from an actual store online so I was a little nervous when I filled my “cart” with two items and pushed advance to check out.

Their response time was excellent. I got my Sarongs in a couple days. Amazingly they arrived on the only 97 degree day in early summer. I immediately put them on and they were just what I hoped for. It was as close to feeling like wearing nothing at all as I believe you can get and still wear something. It’s like wearing a breath, that covers your coverables.

Not me of Course.

Not me of Course.

Lil’ Mouse of course like this look much better than the ol’ skirt and just shrugs and says “whatever you want to do Honey?” when I talk wistfully about wearing it out in to public. She wouldn’t stop me (probably), though may try to talk me out of it and who could blame her when, especially here in Palace City, if I wore the Sarong downtown shopping it would certainly ’cause a stir.

Okay now we're gettin closer...

Okay now we’re gettin closer…

And that brings up an iteresting point doesn’t it. In this age of liberation and breaking down old stereotypes where is “Men’s” liberation, cause you and I both know many of the people throwing condemning looks our way if I wore this in public would be women. They just don’t want to see men wearing skirts. To the majority of so called “feminist” women the idea of a man wearing a skirt is laughable at best…this of course only serves to make me want to wear the sarong in public more (that’s just my oppositional/defiant disorder coming into play). But of course I won’t wear it downtown because Lil’ Mouse holds a respectable job in this town and well it probably wouldn’t be helpful to her career to make her a laughing stock, the wife of the weirdo who wears the skirts.

Mostly this summer though, it has been rainy and cold (though I still found the Sarong to be the perfect “kick around the house” wear) And so the question had been moot. But thank the Lord & Praise Jesus it finally kicked it up at the tail end of August with temps & humidity regularly above ninety. Perfect Sarong weather.

As I mentioned in the beginning of the post I have been doing a lot of outside activities in the past couple months. Mostly they revolved around trips to the Badlands & the Hills camping. The Sarong is great after day hiking back in the camp site evening wear. And out there who cares who sees me in my Sarongs.

Light, portable, easily hand washed and air dried. The sarong is a great addition to my minimalist camping gear.

Light, portable, easily hand washed and air dried. The sarong is a great addition to my minimalist camping gear.

Back home of course I try to be as discreet as possible. But I do go out on the hot evening to smoke on the porch. Lil’ Mouse just smiles.

Wow and this has been a long post for the RWR blog. Usually only one of my blogs regularly runs this long. Of course I’m not quite done yet, because like any good showman I have saved what really you came here to see for the very last…and so without dragging it out any further here ya go, the Ol’ Unit, in HQ central, with his two favorite addictions and his brand new writing wear…

Lil’ Mouse took a dozen or so pic’s

These are the two she chose for me to post.

 

Electronic Life 3.0

There are few changes in my new electronic life that are on as grand a scale as that of music, or more specifically my music collection, some changes may be more important to my day to day functionality, (I could argue otherwise)but there is no question that on sheer size, no change to my life is bigger (pun intended) than the change this electronic life has brought to my music collection.

See here’s the deal, now I’m not saying I have the largest e-music collection, I have no idea how many music files other people have…but I do know that Lil’ Mouse was lookin’ over my music files (for the last post) when she asked me if I had any idea how many music files I had…

“Uh…”

“Over 14,000!”

That’s when it hit me that this would be a great subject for a E.L. post, cause see I grew up in the seventies so I still think of music files, when I see ’em in my head as albums. And when Lil Mouse said this I immediately saw over 14,000 albums lined on shelves….how much room would that take? And my second thought was thank God for this electronic life, cause I knew what was coming and all I could think of (that is after seeing over 14,000 albums lined up on shelves) is that my files(imagine now 14,000 albums stacked and piled randomly in various areas all over the house) are a mess.

“Well a bunch are probably duplicates” I offered as a weak attempt to avoid her mockery

“Only a few hundred” Lil Mouse quickly countered. Never argue with a cataloger while she’s in the process…”I mean do you even know half these songs?”

“Every single one of them is as dear to my heart as you are Honey?”

Sometimes sarcasm does not go over well with Lil’ Mouse…

“What about this ‘Digging your Scene’ by the Blow Monkey’s” She countered

It's the Blow Monkeys' or me!

“Under the category Crappy Retro New Wave like Kajagoogoo or INXS” I answered using her own lingo “And yes, I do once in awhile listen t…”

“Abba, Neil Diamond, Carpenters?”

“Sappy seventies super hits” I was ready for anything until…

“How about these Alan Menken tunes from various Disney Movies like Hercules?” Oh she’s so funny.

Okay I couldn’t defend those, they were left over from when my oldest daughter still lived at home, and might even be iTunes files that I can no longer access…But still I struggled to think of a good excuse, I mean after all, It’s not like they take up real space, collect dust or any of that, but that didn’t stop (like any good woman worth her weight in honey-do lists) Lil’ Mouse.

“You should go through these files honey and clean them out, straighten them up. Just looking you’ll still have over ten thousand songs, but they will be better organized”

The problem with women (as it applies to honey-do lists) is that they’re so hard to argue against. Yes I should do those things honey, I just really don’t want to.

After the Honey Do's Done-Dancing to Dean-O

And here’s where my electronic “music” life works against me in a couple of ways. If the albums were actually piled all around the house it would be impossible to ignore as effectively as I can when they take up imaginary space (but I guess this is countered by the lack of nagging the music collection incurs[as compared to the nagging the same amount of physical music would lol]). However, cleaning out physical albums I could recoup some of my expenses through second hand stores or garage sales which I cannot do with music files (unless of course your interested then I could offer you a great package deal on preteen and teen young girl songs from the 90’s and early ‘0’s)

Anyway, so this task is on my list now, it looms like hand picking the pine needles out of my back lawn before I mow for the first time this spring, and man doesn’t that sound like fun…I mean it does, it does sound like fun honey and I will get started on it right away dear.