Netflix; Nuggets & Nasties

Welcome to another installment in that ever popular series here at RWR, Netflix; Nuggets & Nasties.

Used without permission

Today fer the first time we’re gonna take a look at one of our “Nasties”, a film you should definitely avoid.

Of course, this is our opinion only…I mean taste in movies is subjective.

No thanks I’m tryin to quit.

A lot of people loved “Terms of Endearment” or “Fried green Tomatoes”. They must have some redeeming qualities of course, ’cause I mean they were, are still darn popular. But you will not see those films, or any reasonable facsimile of, on our “must watch” lists.

You may want to find a more feminine movie reviewing staff if this is the case.

Also remember that in this series of posts it is not our designed purpose to give reviews of the hit films coming onto Netflix, though occasionally that may happen.

No, we here at RWR are reviewing all those other films.

NetFlix has far more B list, C (and even further down the alphabet) movies and documentaries than it does big budget new releases

We’re not complaining, many of these films are “B” movies in theory only. Lack of star power, foreign films that Americans aren’t as readily exposed to, small budget to no budget films, we have found many hidden gems in the NetFlix library.

And we’re here to bring them to you.

See, we know that shuffling through the “poster icons” and trying to pick a movie can not only be mind numbingly tedious at times, but who’s to say whether that new alien zombie movie has any actual merit, or just a really cool poster.

Most people we know won’t even take a chance on something like oh…pick one at random…say “Alien Dawn”

And that’s probably good because that movie sucks!

But how about “Yellow Brick Road”, in that case you’d be missing out, ’cause this independent little low budget film is pretty darn good…

But we’re not here to discuss hidden Nuggets today.

We’re here to discuss one of the Nasties that we beg you to avoid wasting even the ten brief minutes it will take you to realize you’ve just wasted ten minutes.

Ya know how some films are so bad they’re actually good.

None of these Nasties will ever fit that criteria.

They’re just bad.

2009 Against the Dark could be retitled Against Common Sense

So the first Nasties pick is the Steven Seagal comeback vehicle “Against the Dark“.

Don’t make me kill you…I mean it…I’m exhausted just holding this blade up!

Unfortunately Mr. Seagal seems to have taken too much Xanax and drives this vehicle straight into a brick wall.

First, like many of the movies on NetFlix (especially in the horror genre) it appears to be made by people with too much money, time and opinion of their film making abilities.

Though CIA/Buddhist Monk/Wise Guy Steven is laughable in this (term used loosely) movie, it is still surprising based on the production values that he agreed to sign on to the project in the first place.

I’m not wheezing! That’s just my heart trying to pump blood that’s 57% cholesterol

Perhaps the producer is his mistress’s first cousin, perhaps his medication dosage needs to be monitored more closely, either way his career (again term used loosely) is not going to be helped by having his name attached to this millstone.

I couldn’t find out much about this film, truthfully I didn’t try real hard. It’s obvious they didn’t either, so I mean, why bother.

It was directed by Richard Crudo and released in 2009 directly to video(DVD). If they had any compassion they would have released it into the nearest trash receptacle,

The guy in the back is a method actor.
His method is to pretend that he’s acting.

One of the keys to a good director isn’t just how they deal with their big stars, but the supporting cast, the bit parts and extras. Here Mr. Crudo skipped all that hard directing work and went for laissez-faire approach of instructing his actors to just walk around and do some stuff.

Oh Steven, this was your first horror film, it could have been so great…well at least good…okay possibly watchable if you just had the desire, any desire short of “putting on my sweats later”.

I guess like so many in Hollywood success went to your…well in your case it would be the whole body. Do you live off a diet of glazed doughnuts with cream cheese I mean c’mon.

I gotta get outta here! I can’t take it!
His character’s named Tao for God’s sake! 

Trust us on this, steer clear of our first Nasties pick. “Against the Dark” is against the viewer from the moment Mr. Seagal begins to shamble across the screen.